About a year ago I started a blog. I was absolutely hopeless and didn't get very far with it at all, always excusing myself as being "too busy". This was of course nothing more than an excuse. I have friends who, when I'm honest, are probably a lot busier than I am but find the time to blog away with gusto. One is a prolific writer who travels the world writing books, making films about his journeys and comes home only to launch a TV show as soon as his feet hit the airport tarmac. Or so it seems anyway. Another, a writer, performer and playwright acts in her own plays as multiple characters and managed for many years to hold down a day job as well. Who am I trying to kid? It comes down to priorities I suppose, and when I think about it, the blog just wasn't high on the list a year ago. I was far too busy having a mild late 20's crisis and a lot of fun.
A lot has happened in 12 months. I've switched careers from being an unhappy animation director working in advertising to being a very happy well represented film director working by the skin of my teeth on music videos, a documentary and my own scripts. It's been a rocky transition plagued by plummeting budgets and tough competition, but worth every second. I've gone from working in what felt like a restrictive and unhealthy environment to feeling really inspired each day by my work and the people around me. I can now truly say that I love what I do. It's gushy but I'm blown over by it really, especially the support of my nearest and dearest and my production company Academy Films.
Personal priorities have changed too. A year ago "too busy" was good friends with "too hung over". I'd been having a good few months of dedicated partying, hanging out with the kind of blokes your granny would describe as ne'er-do-wells and the kind of women who forget your name three times over the course of the evening and ask you what you do between every gin and tonic before puking on your bag. There were fun times too with wonderful people but my overwhelming memory is that it wore thin quite quickly. I had an awful epiphany one evening watching a friend guzzle nitrous oxide in vast quantities on my living room floor. It felt like some horrible scene from "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and the epiphany said "Enough!"
For the first time in my life I actually started to consider what it was I actually wanted from life. Shockingly, for me anyway, it seemed that I wanted someone to live it with. Previous relationships had ended in disaster for the simple reason that fundamental wants and values where vastly different. There had been attraction and friendship but never a deep bond or shared vision of life's adventure. I was lucky enough not to have to wait very long to find this and last Juy meet someone really great who I'm certain I can spend the rest of my days with. Amazingly the idea of happily-ever-after carries non of the terror I've experienced in the past when toying with that idea. In fact it just seems like the most natural fun thing ever. I'm sure it won't always be easy but I feel like I've got someone on my team now. So sue me for being content.
There's something very calming about all this happiness. Although I've long subscribed to the old cliche that an artist needs to be tormented to be productive and/or good, I'm starting to convert. While it's too early to say whether or not I'm any better or worse than I ever was, I do feel a lot more productive and grounded. There's a lot to be said for having the support of someone you love and doing just what you've always wanted to do. It makes me want to get up earlier and do stuff for a start. So I may even get round to keeping my blog going. Or I may just float happily into being 30 and not care that much. Either way I'm looking forward to the fun of it all.
"Remember that there is only one important time and that is now. The present moment is the only moment over which we have dominion. The most important person is always the person you are with, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future? The most important pursuit is making the person standing at your side happy, for that alone is the pursuit of life."
Leo Tolstoy 1828-1910
